john mayer guest blogs!

Hi. My name is John Mayer. I have an extremely big head and I am decent at the guitar. Women absolutely love me.

I am not exactly sure why the ladies have such affection toward me, but I assume it has something to do with my moderate success as a recording artist. I mean, whose heart doesn’t soar when they hear my multi platinum hit, “Your Body is a Wonderland”? My current flame, Jennifer Aniston, certainly knows what I am talking about. Evidently, the tickers of Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jessica Simpson, both particularly attractive females whom I have dated in the past, are affected in a similar manner.

One glaring flaw of mine is my incestuously large cranium. You would think people would look at me and say, “Wow, that man is quite strange looking.”

You might be familiar with one of my songs. It’s aptly named, “Bigger Than My Body”. As in, my head is “bigger than my body”.

I have a fishy feeling that recently my popularity has been fed because of my semi-resemblance to a certain vampire. Edward Cullen and I both have that peculiar ability to appear to be impaired at all hours of the day. Looking completely lost and or extremely confused, even if one is merely walking out of their house, evidently are both qualities babes look for in their male counterparts.

Moving in the opposite direction, I have one confession to make. I am not “Waiting On The World To Change,” I actually quite like it the way it is. I am, for some odd reason, well liked and adored, and I would enjoy it if it stayed that way. So world, contrary to popular belief, I am not actually waiting on you to change, feel free to take your time.

I know you might not want to hear that, but I am merely following my own advice. “Say what you need to say. Say what you need to say. Say what you need to say. Say what you need to say.”